Look Ahead Girl!

Last weekend Tina, Dave and I took the ferry to Orcas Island. We were going there for Brian and Heather's wedding. There was a lot of emotion floating around - Brian and Tina dated for many years, Tina's baby belly refuses to treat her gently, I am in the middle of navigating a job change, Dave is still adjusting to this country (there could not be a country more happy to have him - it is a LOT to move to a new country, get married and be on your way to fatherhood within one year though so he is a little quiet).

OK -- so I have set the stage. Usually when there is this much energy worling around, I get very quiet and grumpy. I analyze every move I make. I get, even, a bit glass half empty girl like. This can show itself in very interesting ways. Sometimes I just fold in and get quiet, sometimes I get cranks but it is not usually the case that I am optimistic in these situations.

After we spent 4 hours at the ferry dock waiting to come home, we boarded the boat and I decided to go outside, when I realized, here I am -- with all this stuff going on, and it's just about sunset, and we are on the ferry and I am outside, and everyone else is freezing but I feel that the air is crisp and fresh. I stay out there forever, thinking and breathing in the cold air. Just as I think I can't stand the cold anymore, I realize one other subtle thing that makes me smile right from the corners of my eyes. I am standing in the FRONT of the boat. I am watching us move forward. I am not standing in the back, sadly watching our weekend fun get further away from me. The optimist in me has finally won out. It kicked the behind of my pessimistic self and said, Not this time, Creegan! This time you will look in front of you and take your life for what it is and smile and know that everyone has to make choices and everyone has a few regrets and everyone has the right to smile and attempt to find a passionate, happy life. And this time, you will not look back.


It's been a week since this lovely boat ride, and I can still smell the cold Puget Sound air.